What is bad marriage?
Please what is bad marriage?,what makes it bad, what happens to the saying that it takes two to tangle, how can a marriage be bad? God's own institute, I don't believe there is any such thing if that union is bad then it's not marriage, we could give it any other name.
We all need to understand that marriage is not meant for children, I don't mean kids in this case I mean people with little or no knowledge of what they are going into.
Most of us needs to understand that love is not what actually keeps marriage , love is just a necessary ingredient that makes marriage sweet just like money makes it sweeter and fuels the journey through. Sometimes understanding does a little, because you can understand your partner and still you are unable to stand his behavioral pattern, you can even choose not to understand your partner if you are not in the right place of mind knowing fully well that you just want to cause havoc by opting for that. Two different people from different background and family been fed with different words by families(church, mosque,traditions, club house) let's be realistic please, and then coming together as one to live under the same roof as mollusks are attached to its calcareous shell, of-course there will be issues and problems and misunderstandings but all this are meant to be conquered because the inventor of this mighty course called marriage has made himself available to settle all this issues and comfort us on every side. Our maker never promised that we would not face challenges, but he said he will make us over comers. Issues in marriages are meant to make us stronger and better and not to make us fallout of the union.
The number one thing I believe we need is God, we shouldn't seek him sometimes but at all times, for he who does things in flesh I believe is a living corpse. We need plenty of tolerance, understanding, prayers, communication, sex, communication, love, trust,communication, friendship and communication. You will probably wonder why communication is everywhere in what we need, a lot of people ignore this, communication is very healthy for marriages, you need to hear your self out, communicate with each other over and over again, most women love this and a lot of men lack this, and this is a major issue that gives room for misquotation of reactions and attitudes leading to malice and hatred and words like "I don't understand him any more", " what is she up to?"
Apart from the fact that we need The Holy spirit to order our steps at all times we also need to talk out issues, trash out misunderstandings, and then settlement. Sex is important too we all know that, but one common acts in every union is the polygamous nature of men, men with a wife yet seeking a sex mate, infidelity, disgusting especially to a jealous woman like me, lol, yet I will recommend prayers to trash out that evil in such a man.
Take for instance, The woman was taught that when problems arises in her home she should walk out for a while so as to keep calm in order not to say what she is not suppose to say, while man was trained in a family where the father says repeatedly to their mother that when he is angry and the wife walks away, he can not allow her back to the house,her belongings will be out there waiting for her, what a chaos, or The young man who just got married believes women are not meant to participate in settling up of the house as it will cause ridicule to the effort of the man, and the wife grew up in a church where men shares how their wives surprises them with a new dinning set and plasma television ,and so on and then encourages women to participate in major things at home as well as men, gbenge don happen.
Norms and traditions, teachings and school of thoughts. We need to be counseled before going into marriages, couples needs to have understanding of what they are going into, they both have to be fed with same words before being joined , well I do know people who are operating under the influence of grace, both Christians, they have been married for 22 years and they never went through counseling together, they fought several times in their early years of marriage, but soon grew to tolerate one another, but guess what the wife says, she said "despite our years in marriage and our ability to tolerate each other, I still feel this distance between us"
You need to know your partner, not in pretense, he was a gambler when you met him and he promised to change, and the magic happened, he changed, after years or months or even weeks of marriage he went back to gambling, why should you reject him? You either help him out with prayers or accept your fate, do not complain, you knew she was a manizer and she promised to change and she truly did, you got married to her and then one day her past came hunting and you find out, help her and stop nagging, that is not a change in character, a change incharacter is when you have never seen the man or woman act in a manner since the years you have known him or her.
Please let's ask ourself this questions when we feel our partner is crazy or has changed
1. Have you ever done anything like what you did that made him or her act that way? You know you can not know what a person's reaction will be towards an act if you have never acted it before.
2. What's is next? Waiting to see if he or she really meant what he/she had just said or done
In addition men should see themselves as respectable fellow whom The Lord has giving the power to be the head of a family just as Christ is the head of the church, not giving themselves to the devil to use to accomplish his mission, but resisting every big ass and boobs that makes them want to commit infidel, Having it at the back of their mind that women too are prone to temptation and needs to be prayed for too, we all know what's going on nowadays, guessing the rate of women who commit adultery is overshadowing the numbers of men who do, may God help us.
Let's do what's right not to please human but to be just in the sight of God so that he can be happy with us.
Marriage is not a kitchen so there shouldn't be heat. May God heal all marriages facing one challenge or the other in Jesus name.
Heartinuke Aderogba.